bottled emotions

like these bottles, im all consumed and empty =(

Shit Happens.

Ever felt like your ex-bf stole something of the person you used to be, pre him? During a relationship you often invest so much that when it ends, it's no wonder it can take sometime to feel like yourself again.

But luckily I have andrei, james, minds, and max get me through the trauma that can result from a bitter bust-up and ensure I emerge with my dignity intact and no criminal prosecutions to my name.

I just found out my man’s been doing the dirty on me. I feel like crap. I'm hurt, I'm humiliated and I'm so damn angry it’s consuming me.

While getting him back seems like the best idea to get myself on track, I’ll probably just end up making things worse for myself.

Below are some of the things I may feel like doing. Got some pretty convincing arguments as to why I shouldn’t and, even better, I’ve come up with alternatives which won’t end up making me look like the fool.

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What I want to do: Pour out my heart to him in a 10 page letter detailing all the hurts and injustices I suffered throughout the relationship and the sacrifices I made for him.
Why you shouldn’t: Once that letter is out there I have no control over it and I can’t get it back – I asked myself: do I really want his new woman sniggering over my feelings?
What you should do instead: By all means I will write a letter, it’s one of the most therapeutic things I can do. Take as long as I need on it and get everything down on paper. But I WILL NOT, under any circumstances, let it leave my room. I will - Lock it away, burn it, stuff it under my bed or give it to my bestfriends to look after.

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What you want to do: Call/text/turn up at his pad after several bottles of booze.
Why you shouldn’t do it: One word – dignity. I’d probably like to still have some of it the next day when I wake up needing to puke with mascara down to my chin.
What you should do instead: There’s no easy fix for this one, although getting someone else to hold on to my cellphone is a good start. I could always go home with someone else to keep myself distracted, BUT a one-night stand isn’t my thing so I'll just write the word “Dignity” on my hand in vivid and hope it triggers a response in my booze-fuddled brain.

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What you want to do: Be his friend and maintain the same connection that you once had.
Why you shouldn’t do it: Because no matter how much it seems like a good idea at the time, I guess this technique invariably ends in tears. Feelings get in the way and are easily misinterpreted.
What you should do instead: Be civil if I have to be in contact, but otherwise I'd stay away. I'll change mobile number, even maybe look for a new place. I'll give it time to let the dust settle and the feelings die down.

Mere Infatuation

... feelings of panic, uncertainty, overpowering lust, feverish excitement, impatience, and/or jealously.

... thrilled, but not happy, wanting to trust, yet suspicious.

I'm miserable when you' re away, almost like I'm not complete unless I'm with you. It’s a rush and it’s intense. It’s difficult to concentrate.

Do any of these “symptoms” resemble feelings of love? Or mere infatuation? Where does it come from? Perhaps it’s biological?



"You don't love me like I love you"
Problems creeped in when I started to have thoughts of “do I love him more than he loves me?” I started examining all the things I do for him. All the ways we express our love and how much time and energy we’re putting into the relationship. Then I tried to figure out if he was giving an equal amount back.

If I perceive the discrepancy in that balance sheet, naturally I will start backing away from the relationship. Does loving someone feel good regardless if it’s returned? I have don’t want to get caught up in “if they loved me, they’d know”, cause they don’t.

"We can't talk about that."
Every time I approach certain subjects, it turns into an argument. In the back of my mind, I opt to avoid that topic in the future because I don't want to fight. I believe fighting means the relationship is on rocky ground or is threatening to the relationship. That list of "don't touch that one" makes me feel distant and detached. I start wondering how much longer I can live like this.

When we are fearful, angry, anxious, unhappy, or jealous, are we truly experiencing a state of love?

--- o ---

If you go into a relationship not feeling terribly good about yourself,
you're more likely to become dependent on your partner to help you feel good
about yourself. If we felt empty before they appeared in our lives, we
fear the emptiness returning if they leave, so their staying with us becomes
paramount. That dependency can create all kinds of fear and unhappiness when
there's a perceived threat to you staying together.

If we aren’t giving ourselves the acceptance we crave, we look to those around us to provide it for us. Again, none of this has a thing to do with the love you feel, but everything to do with the fear you feel.If you really want to remove the love baggage of fear and unhappiness, the first step is to improve your self awareness and self acceptance.

Chocolate is More than Good Taste

Well I felt down and acted bitchie all morning. I found out something last night and it is giving me the temperature and anguish.

I was craving for chocolates!
There's something undeniably mystical and irresistible about chocolates. The word itself is sensual and romantic.

....creamy, silky texture, the deep, dark, elegant color, the exquisitely sweet, rich flavor, the tantalizing aroma... The experience of a forbidden piece of pure chocolate deliberately melting on the tip of your tongue is sheer ecstasy, one of life's most pleasurable moments.

Now what is it about chocolate that makes so many of us swoon? We're feeling moody and irritable, even depressed, but once we eat some good chocolate, we feel better. It simply dulls pain and gives a sense of well being - a mood enhancer.

PS: baby thanks for the chocolates! (^^)

Making up

There is something about a beach vacation that seems to restore us and bring back much-needed perspective on life.

Maybe it's the waves hissing into the sand, the rolling waves flecked in turquoise, the glowing expanse of open sky, the relaxing shade of a palm tree or long walks on the beach.

A perfect treat to get back together after a big fight. We talked, relaxed and continue having a romantic relationship.

I still can't find the right words to describe the wonderful beach weekend getaway I had. We were alone at last!

Paseo Night-out

A perfect treat after a hard week's work... party! and guess what?! we found a new party place! (^^) wehehe

favorite rockin' party tunes, ice cold beers, your favorite people, a casually classy atmosphere, a DJ to keep the party going - and you can even dance if you feel like it!

Paseo... a place to be!

gothic chick