Chasing our tails

There is a well known saying that we are our own worst critics. We notice (and judge) things about ourselves that no one else ever would; that small pimple on our chin, the bad hair day or the extra three pounds we gained after the holidays. We are constantly wondering if the grass is greener on the other side and second guessing the choices weve made in our careers, friendships and relationships. Are we subconsciously sabotaging our own success?

We all have these dream jobs that would allow us to be financially secure while doing something we actually enjoy. Some of us even have the talent to back it up. So what stops us from picking up the phone and calling the head of HR at the firm weve had our eyes on? Are we afraid that well face rejection and were not sure we can handle it? Perhaps we're afraid we'll succeed and then have nothing left to dream about.

So, we subconsciously procrastinate and make excuses for why we cant make that follow up phone call after sending in our application. We re-organize our closet instead of updating our resume and we convince ourselves no one will ever recognize our abilities the way we do. We let our fears hold us back from having it all. Are we doing the same thing with our relationships?

In our relationships, we all play the game. Like anything else in life, the anticipation is half the fun and, sometimes, the reality cant live up to the fantasy. We begin a relationship with someone and as soon as it becomes real we start to nitpick. We look for faults and imperfections and we make excuses for why we cant pursue the relationship.

We settle into mediocre relationships that require minimal effort. We surround ourselves with people who dont ask us too many questions or poke and prod too deep into our histories or our souls. When we find someone who wants to know the real us, who challenges us to break down our walls and let them in, are we subconsciously pushing these people away to protect the sturdy structures weve kept intact for so long? Are we afraid that if weve found someone we can build a foundation with that we have far too much to lose?

There are relationships we look back on and question if things couldve been different. We think about the people who were in our lives who supported us, believed in us and truly loved us, unconditionally. So we lied to them, cheated on them, questioned their sincerity. We convinced ourselves we could never love them back because they snored or werent tall enough or didnt have a steady job.

We get involved with people we know are emotionally unavailable or someone we know is leaving in two months to work abroad. We become attached to someone whos only in the country temporarily or who we know is already involved with someone else. We question why we attract the wrong men but maybe were subconsciously looking for them. If a part of us knows the relationship doesnt have a chance of survival from the beginning then we have nothing to fear.

If we are ever going to succeed in life, in our careers and in love, we need to learn to get out of our own way and believe that we deserve to have it all. We have to go after exactly what we want with passion and vigor and refuse to settle for anything less. Otherwise, we just wind up chasing our tails.