When is it really over...

When is it really over?

I once loved a best friend. We got so closed and before i knew it, I lost him just like that - like a snap of a finger.

I think he is happy now with someone else. But somehow I cannot help ask myself, what happened? Then I would just joke myself and answer it with, maybe we are better off as friends ... hahaha! Jokes are always half-meant, a friend said once. And maybe…just maybe, behind that joke, there’s this wishful thinking that he liked me more deeply than friends. Then his memory again, bounce in my head…disturb my sanity and make my day half-miserable.

What if he’s thinking about me? It’s just another imagination, I know. Another day of what if’s and maybe’s. For the nth time, I’ve told myself that when it’s over, it’s really over! There’s no sense turning back or even trying to pick up the pieces again. It’s time to move on and face the reality!

When it’s over, is it really over? When you decide to let go, do you really succeed in letting go? I just heard the song of Sugar Ray a while ago. Here’s the few lines that caught my attention:

When it’s over, That’s the time I fall in love again…

When it’s over, That’s the time you’re in my heart again…

How can you possibly say it’s over when you’re still in love with the person you said you were over with already?I guess it’s not that easy when the chain of the past locks you in the chest of false hopes and leads you to a place called fantasy with Cinderella and Snow white as your best friends!

How pathetic! But, admit it or not, it’s true… The hardest part of losing a loved one is to accept the fact that they’re gone and might never come back again. There are things that reminds me of our togetherness…the places we’ve been, his food and iced cold San Mig Light, names we teasingly used to call each other, expressions I used to hear from him and songs we both crazily sing loudly…

I would desperately believe that what happens in the movies might also happen to us one day.Who didn’t like the lines from the movie "Runaway Bride" where Julia Roberts told Richard Gere, "I guarantee that we’ll have tough times; I guarantee that in some point, one of us would want to get out; I also guarantee that if I don’t ask you to be mine, I’ll regret this for the rest of my life, ‘coz I know in my heart…you’re the only one for me." I hopefully think that he will come back one day and say those words, or just simple words but would promise forever. Problems may occur every now and then, but I would consider those things as trials to be conquered in order for the relationship to bloom and mature.

Oouucchh! Reality just bit me!

More often than not, these romantic movies and mushy love songs only makes me long for something I cannot have…and for someone who cannot be mine again. It hurts to admit that I am just pretending. All the while, I already knew the truth but we ignore it. When the damage is done, there’s nothing left to do but cry…to mourn for the bitterness in our hearts. Then curse anybody who gets in the way.

Crying…